it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
