I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
