make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
