ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
