Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
