Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
