So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
