i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
