How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
why do cheetos always look like penises
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
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