he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just found puke in my bra..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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