We named our party play list daddy issues
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
