Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
