im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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