I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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