Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
