if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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