dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
