Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
