Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
