I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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