my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
