Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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