I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't think brook has ever known best
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
