Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
