Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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