gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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