Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
