My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
