dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
