You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
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