so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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