I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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