This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
