The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
