After last night, I could never be a politician.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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