Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
