What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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