remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
