U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
