i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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