Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
