Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
