I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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