I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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