i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
