The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
