Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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