mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
