He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
