Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
