I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
