Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
