This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
it's like iHOP with fire
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
