How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
