I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
