We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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