you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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